spouses wont combine finances

What To Do When Your Spouse Won’t Combine Finances

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Once the bells have stopped ringing, the honeymoon is over and you are ready to start the marital lifestyle. You expect to share everything as stated in your vows but your spouse turns to you and says I don’t want to combine our finances. Suddenly you feel financially lost. In this article we will discuss the reasons why and how to find a leveled compromise.

Reasons They Are Resistant To Combine Finances

A person who is ready to dedicate the rest of their life committed to you does not act out of blind spite. They have a motivator that holds them back from the steps you want to take in your finances. These reasons are:

Past experiences

The past can never be forgotten, it changes our mindset and view on so many things so having a financially abusive relationship or any other negative experience could damage your spouse’s view on the idea. The statement once bitten twice shy could be their motto after they put their financial trust in someone else and were left in a terrible spot. Talking about it could help as well as giving them time but to some keeping their money separate could be a source of calm.

How you handle money

combine finances
Image: Timur Weber

How you spend your money could be seen in a different or negative way so your spouse may decide to keep the finances separate to keep peace. An example is if you live on the edge and  believe money is to be spent so you splurge at any time while your spouse believes in saving money for tomorrow it could lead to heated discussions anytime the topic of money is comes up. Keeping your finances separate could provide a safe haven for both of you.

Debts

Debts are a normal part of adulthood; however, how someone gets into debt is very telling. Your spouse might have been a reckless young adult or committed a crime and having matured, find to be a source of shame that they never want to talk about. They choose to hide it from you either to save face or protect you.

If you step into a marriage and you have to start by working of huge debts that aren’t yours it could result in a rift between the two of you. Debt has soured many relationships and your spouse could see it as a potentially damaging issue so they keep it to themselves and work it out personally

Personality

We are all built different from nature and nurture; your spouse might be someone who prefers being private in financial matters. There are situations where a spouse likes to keep their things private including their assets. If you step into a matrimonial commitment with such a person you should anticipate their actions when it comes to keeping their finances separate. You can’t force change instead you adapt to the situation and find a way around it.

Money habits

How you spend money and how your spouse does could be worlds apart. Your spouse might be a person who buys what they want without thinking twice even if it’s a huge purchase while you on the other hand second guess every purchase and prefer waiting for sales and offers to buy items. Upon seeing this, your spouse might prefer to keep their money to themselves instead of combining finances. Keeping your finances separate will prevent arguments in the household.

Guilt

It could be a dress that makes them look amazing or car that makes the ride smooth. Once they buy it the guilt that hits after is horrible especially when your spouse is financially responsible and buys things within a strict household budget. In this case your spouse might want to avoid the constant guilt by keeping their finances apart

Ideology and money value differences

Image: Anna Shvets

The value of money in everyone’s lives is different and is shaped by the life they have lived and experiences they have gone through. One person has walked through a light breeze and the other has weathered storms, the experiences are different.

You might have come from a financially stable life into a financially stable life but your spouse’s experience could be totally different. This would result in different ideologies and value for money. Compromise is key when working around this issue to find balance

 What To Do

Creating a Household Budget

Image: Karolina Grabowska

Setting up a general budget would ensure equal contribution from both parties towards things that involve both of you. Working together to create a sustainable way to equally divide chores will reduce stress for both parties. The budget drawn should consider both parties’ financial status in terms of earning. The party earning more could decide on a 60-40 split or in an even income home it could be an even split. The value of a working budget is unmatched as it creates a wonderful balance in the home.

Creating a joint saving account

This could be a compromise you could make where the two of you put in a discussed amount on a weekly or monthly basis depending on what suits you. You can create several that have different purpose such as retirement or a rainy day emergency fund.

Bottom Line

The main point in all this is once you tied the knot you became a team that should take care of each other, understand each other and find ways to work towards the same goals. Don’t compare yourselves to other couples; every relationship is different so work on building yours in your own way in a financially safe way.

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