Instinctual Mating Habits of Women That Affect You

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“Love between a man and a woman is founded on the mating instinct and is not free from desire and self-seeking. But to have a friend and to be true under any and all trials is the mark of a man.” – Charles Eastman

When sitting down with friends to catch up over coffee, the topic of dating comes up and how hard it is. The opinion shared is how much dissatisfaction you get from the whole experience. I wrote this article to sort of try to share what goes on in the dating scene, why there is a lot of competition and how you can get past it. Here’s to hoping this article gives you new insight on what happens in the process.

The global online dating industry keeps growing as it went from generating revenue of 779 million USD in 2017 to 2.23 billion USD in 2020. These figures surpassed the experts’ prediction of 24.9% growth rate which would have the revenue at around one billion USD.

This increase could be due to the pandemic where everyone was stuck at home depending on online dating sites such as tinder to meet potential matches. Still, before the lock down it was a rough process to find what you wanted.

Several things factor into looking for a partner when dating, such as:

  • Not a creep who will say, touch and do things that make you feel uncomfortable
  • Has similar beliefs
  • Is not an emotional risk
  • Can provide

Aside from this there is also the fact that many women are in competition for the ‘good ones’. This is known as the female intrasexual competition.

What influences the mating competition?

Woman holding man
Image:  Pana Koutloumpasis

The answer is mate value.

In Charles Darwin’s theory of evolution and sexual selection, traits that are seen as desirable genetic qualities are sign of potential reproductive success. However mate values are preferential such as age, health, familial skills and intelligence. You decide what mate values fit your needs in a partner.

The genetic quality of the partner

Determining the genetic qualities of a potential partner is not just narrowed down to attractiveness though it is one of the top qualities. Socially being attractive is advantageous and a prized commodity with social media so one can be influenced to seek attractive male partners so their children can share the genes.

If you want to have children you look for parental investment and parental care. Mental health is looked at as your partner is someone you want to share a stable home with. Some mental health disorders are genetic such as autism and schizophrenia so your partner and children can share similar disorders making it harder for you. This also applies to the medical aspect where you look at your partner’s health as well as their family to see if they have ailments that could inherited by your child.

Some inherited diseases are:

  • single gene inheritance disorders such as sickle cell anemia and cystic fibrosis
  • Multifactorial inheritance disorders such as cancer and heart disease
  • Chromosomal disorders such as turner syndrome and Down syndrome

Another factor at play is choice.

Attractive women are often the ones who go for very attractive partners while less attractive women go for less attractive partners.

This can be attributed to the rational choice theory where you analyze yourself and qualities and determine which quality of partner you look for and can get. It is why often when you have a warped view of yourself you settle for and attract men who are below the qualities you have to offer an example is coming from an abusive home to seeking an abusive partner as you think that is the best you can do

Once you have a potential mate in your sights you realize their attractive qualities present a risk of someone else poaching them, thus begins the competition.

Strategies used in the competition

Women employ four main strategies according to researchers Maryanne Fisher and Anthony Cox.

  1. Self-promotion
Self promotion mating habit
Image: pixabay

This is where you enhance your qualities and characteristics to be more appealing. It can be seen as your journey to self-improvement rather than a strategic move in the competition. Women rarely engage in direct attacks so this is a perfect way to do it.

The first way you can promote yourself is through your appearance. You have probably heard that focusing on physical beauty is shallow but first impressions matter. People form opinions and judge you the first time you meet them and you might have that one shot to capture your crush’s attention before the competition swoops in and takes them away. You can cry in your car and moan about how ‘he doesn’t know what he is missing out on’ just because he chose a more attractive woman but we both know you would do the same.

That first impression can tell a lot such as dressing professionally in luxury items conveys the opinion that you are of a higher status. Do things that increase your attractiveness, go to a professional hairdresser not your scissors and box dye at 1 am. Dress for the occasion in well-fitted garments, your sweat pants can wait for you at home.

Cosmetic surgery is another way you can enhance your appearance if you want to. Going under the knife is a personal choice that shouldn’t be done lightly. You can go for a liposuction to get rid of belly fat and give you a slim waist or breast enhancement if you are not comfortable with your size. Beauty standards play a role in what cosmetic surgery you get but just make sure whatever procedure you undertake is done in a reputable and recognized hospital and not the back door hospitals with cheap offers.

Building your self-confidence makes you more attractive. You will be motivated and resilient which can improve your outlook on life and yourself. Being sure of what you want and going for it make you a catch.

  • Competitor Derogation
mating habits, manipulation. women mocking
image: Tumisu

This falls under toxic but has worked out for ages so can’t be ignored. As stated earlier women attack indirectly and one of the ways is by tarnishing the rival’s reputation to the crush and all other potential partners in their circle. You have seen or been a part of female derogation habits, where you try to show your qualities as superior by tearing down the other girl. It could have happened through slut shaming where you ‘expose’ and shame a rival for doing sexual acts that are out of the societal norm. She could be more open minded about sex but you paint as them being promiscuous and cannot be faithful to a partner.

By doing this you show your love interest that they would be risking emotional and physical health by being with her. They will also avoid the societal stigma that could come from being in a relationship with her.

These actions have a chance of long lasting damage to the other woman’s reputation as well as your own.

  • Mate Manipulation

How good are you at hide and seek? If you are the reigning champion then this is for you. The manipulation can either be direct or indirect. Indirect is where you arrange group hangouts then you conveniently forget to invite your competition. This is done to keep your love interests’ attention on you and make them realize how you are a perfect match.

Direct manipulation is where you say certain facts to deter him from pursuing her. Such as lying that she is in a relationship or that she is not interested in him or attracted to him. Your crush realizes your competitor is not available for him and turns to you. However, it isn’t set in stone as she could outright tell the crush about their feelings and your plan foils.

  • Competitor Manipulation
Image: Tim Douglas

It is similar to the mate manipulation strategy where you make your love interest appear unavailable. This is done to guard your plans for a blissful future from being shattered by someone else. You can allude to them being romantically and emotional unavailable to deter the competition from pursuing them. There are many cases of women lying about their crush being gay to keep other women away or that they are ‘f*ck boys’ or cheaters to paint them as an emotional risk to the women.

In Conclusion

Meeting a potential partner can be a difficult process with competitors you have to contend with. A person you view as an amazing potential partner is also attractive to many around you so you have to bring out the big guns. Which could be one or all of the strategies in the article but you have to remember something important.

Not all the strategies are healthy and moral; some are unkind and malicious which is not how you want to start a relationship. If you decide to pursue a relationship, start with the positive route like self-promotion where your partner chooses you for your positive qualities.

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